The Balancing Act of Zenesoul
One thing is very clear about the singer- She has a great understanding of self. Attribute that to her upbringing, her influences or simply her nature but whatever it is, she understands how to navigate the world. Stamping a clear divide between her full-time job and music career is integral to her lifestyle, and that dedication rewarded her with a recent Juno nomination and lots of other music-related opportunities. People are starting to take notice of the time, effort and hustle that Zenesoul has put into her music.
Photography by Andrea Rella
I love music so much every time I hear a song I like, I create a playlist. I have one for every mood (Laughs)! I wake up with a different song in my head, so music is like a soundtrack to my day.
I try and avoid listening to music every day because I don’t want to accidentally take a melody when I’m writing one of my own songs. I’ll listen when I’m getting ready to go out so it’s just in the background and I’m not really focused on the song.
Because you actually make music you also don’t always want to be consumed by it otherwise it feels like a job.
That’s what I don’t want! I don’t want it to feel like a job because then I won’t love it which is why I like experimenting with new sounds- that’s fun to me. I still work full-time so I could still use music as a hobby and have my job as a means to sustain myself.
What is your full-time job?
I work as a Physiotherapist Assistant and Occupational Therapist Assistant in a hospital.
That’s incredible! I can imagine it being hard sometimes though because both music and your actual job could be demanding so I’m wondering if you ever felt like, you just want to stick with music?
All the time (Laughs)! It’s like having two full-time jobs so it could be overwhelming at times especially because lately there’s been so much opportunity coming from music. I know myself so much that if I would let my physio job go and work solely on music, I wouldn’t love music as much. If music was bringing in enough money to sustain myself then it would be a different story but right now it’s just not feasible. Yeah, its tiring and hard, but nothing you want comes easy, you have to put in the work. So I’m just going to keep putting in the 10,000 hours doing both until I feel confident to let go.
Well both jobs are extremely rewarding, for two different reasons. Was working in the hospital something you’ve always wanted to do?
I always wanted to work in a hospital, but I didn’t know what for. I actually went to university for psychology, and it wasn’t until my final year that I found out about occupational therapy so after I got my degree, I went to college for that. Both jobs are super rewarding because with one I’m helping people gain their independence back and then with music its therapy but in a different way.
That’s the important thing because you always hear people say, find a job you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life. It may take some time to get to that point, you may have some part time jobs you didn’t like, but it’s all a part of the process.
Yes! I had a job as a ride operator at Wonderland in high school and I hated it (Laughs)! I loved Wonderland and it was pretty cool since I got to ride the rides for free, but the job just wasn’t for me.
I always felt bad for the workers they never seemed happy (laughs)! I loved going there though, I practically spent my childhood there. One summer I was afraid of heights, and the next summer I was a ride warrior. So other than your part-time jobs, did your childhood consist of a lot of music?
I was born in Nigeria then came to Canada, then moved to New Jersey for a year then permanently moved to Canada after. My parents always knew I loved music because I would always sing around the house, but my parents wanted me to stick to the books. When I was in elementary school, I tried out for the talent shows as a singer, but I never got picked which discouraged me a little, but not enough to keep me from writing lyrics, poems, and short stories. In high school, I actually wrote a song for a Black History Month play which was cool because that was the first time I wrote something that was going to be performed on stage. I still wasn’t really taking it that seriously so I went to university and joined a student group that would put on shows and I would perform which was very encouraging, but I still wasn’t too confident. Eventually I was in a relationship, and he bought me studio sessions and that became my first EP “Worth”. It’s funny, because of how well I’m doing with music my parents are like my biggest fans now.
I feel like that’s what it takes for parents to understand our dreams sometimes. There’s a disconnect between the two generations because we have so much at our disposal nowadays.
Education seems like a safety net for a lot of the older generation, but times have changed. These days, people keep changing jobs so, did that degree really matter if all jobs want are experienced workers?
And how am I supposed to gain experience if you don’t give me a chance? Whether it’s paid or not, all I need is a chance so just give me that opportunity (laughs)! But I understand its more complicated than that.
It’s like that in music too! If you want to get to a certain level, there’s a certain amount of networking and experience needed for opportunities. There’ll be some- times that I’ll get messages asking for favours, and I’m more than willing to help, but it took me years of releasing music without any recognition before I got recognized; it didn’t just happen overnight!
You have to grind, but you also have to be okay with getting no recognition for a long time. You have a very mature singing voice, did that come naturally, or did you have to work on that?
I think it came naturally but that could be the result of me listening to mostly old school music. I don’t force anything so like I was saying previously, I just try to have fun with it. It’s not like I sat down and said I’m going to do music like this, I just kind of did what felt right.
It comes off that way, but I guess invertedly, you have this layered singing voice. It’s mature, but also there’s this confident vulnerability. Is it difficult expressing certain things on record?
When I’m writing I just say whatever I feel. I don’t inten- tionally write to be vulnerable it just comes out so when I look over it I’ll ask myself, is this something I want to share with the world? Since I’ve started music, I always said that I’d be authentic because if I’m feeling a certain way, someone else is too so to and it’s that connection that I care about. Music is to heal and bring people together so I’m always going to use it for that reason and maybe that’s where the confidence comes from. I’m confident in who I am because I’m figuring out who exactly I am, and that process is something that gives me comfort. Music is the best way I know how to process those vulnerable emotions because I don’t like communicating them.
Being vulnerable is such a tough thing to do because you’re dealing with intense traumas and bad experiences so confronting them is scary. However, if you could figure out a way to stand in front of that fear, that’s even more powerful. Are there any ways you deal with being vulnerable?
I don’t like being vulnerable except through music (laughs). When I’m faced with something hurtful, I normally just get quiet and don’t say anything, which isn’t good because it just piles up and then I feel bad for whoever’s around me (laughs). I have this habit of keeping myself busy to avoid thinking about certain things because I am a big overthinker; I’ve been trying to get over it but its hard. So the way I deal with it is through music but it’s funny because I never intentionally think about writing something emotional, I’ll freestyle to a beat and then once it comes together, I’ll listen back and surprise myself. It takes a lot for me to actually sit with someone and let them know how I’m actually feeling about a certain situation, I get kind of awkward (laughs).
“I don’t want to be put in a box where I’m only labelled as a certain type of musician, because again, that’s not authentic to who I am.”
I do the same thing (laughs)! I’m a chronic over-thinker which I’m trying to get better at, but it’s a process. But having outlets like poetry, or writing is a huge help with sorting out certain thoughts.
I feel like the reason I keep it to myself more times than not is because there’s an underlying fear of not being understood. I’ll be so scared to communicate my feelings that I get nervous, and it doesn’t come off the way I want it to; especially if the person doesn’t understand what I’m trying to say. For a long time, society ignored mental health so that stigma still surrounds topics like vulnerability; even though it is definitely getting better.
There was a time where it was the norm to not talk about your feelings but as humans we’re complex so we should be encouraged to examine them. Switching gears to your music, on the Juno-nominated “Love and be Loved” you have a line that goes, “Don’t it feel good to be loved and feel love, I know I’m complicated there ain’t no perfect lady.” I think the fact that I’m complicated it struck a chord with me (laughs). Relationships are tough work especially when there’s a lack of communication. What do you think the most important thing is for a relationship to work?
Respect for your partner as a whole. No one is saying to completely change your life to suit their needs but at least care enough to listen to what they have to say and consider their wants and needs. I feel like without respect all the little things that make a relationship amazing cant happen.
You’re coming from two different experiences so how do you come together as one if you’re not communicating properly? Speaking of respect and self-love, your song “Glowing” is such a powerful song. Talk about how the song came about and the message of the song.
So right now, my hair is in locks but before, it wasn’t and it took me hours to wash my hair so I was so tired of doing that whole process. But my black skin is something I’ve always been proud of so I’m like let me talk about my features. I heard the beat and loved it so I started writing to it as authentic as I could because that’s how I always like to not just write, but carry myself as well. I just wanted to say, women love yourself, regardless of what anyone thinks because there will always be someone out there that loves you just the way you are.
There’s 7 billion people in the world, but there’s only one of you so why not just be yourself? The latest song “Is it Love” is more afrobeat than R&B so it’s got such a nice groove to it. Is that something you want to explore more of?
When I first released, I had some afrobeat-centric songs but stayed into more of the R&B sound, I was so scared to release it because I didn’t want people to think I was all over the place. So, I focused on making the song as authentically afro-soul as could be, but eventually the goal is to release neo-soul, R&B, plus the afro-soul in one album. I just want everyone to know that when I release music, it’s going to be soul. I don’t want to be put in a box where I’m only labelled as a certain type of musician, because, again, that’s not authentic to who I am.
Well, you came out with an album in 2019, then in 2020, 2021, so could we expect an album in 2022?
Of course! It’ll be afro-soul and it’s pretty well finished. Actually, “Is it Love” is going to be on it.
